The wisdom of toddlers

It's mid-January and I am sure that many people are beginning to flag in maintaining their wholesome new year resolutions. I have decided that I needed inspiration to maintain the holistically balanced, wholegrain-eating perfection I have maintained since January 1st. Therefore I have looked to my children for inspiration. I impart to you the wisdom of toddlers:

  • Start every day by singing "I love my bottom bottom, I love my bottom bottom, I love my bottom bottom, I love my bum bum!" to the tune of 'I like to move it' by Reel2Reel. Preferably naked.
  • When you eat don't look at the calories, instead shout loudly "Scrummy yummy in my tummy!"
  • Jump for joy at least once a day
  • Go outside and stay outside for at least half an hour a day.  Look at a rock, pick up a stick, play tag with an invisible person, but do it outside.
  • Jump in front of a camera when someone is taking a photo - photobomb the fuck out of life.
  • Try something new, except food. Don't try new foods. They may kill you.
  • Match your girliest party dress with wellies and a gruffalo hat - scream 'I am a princess!' at anyone within earshot
  • Show a stranger something you are proud of - a leaf, a doll, a bogey - it doesn't matter what, just be proud.
  • Cackle when you fart.  Try to do it again. Demand someone else deals with it should you follow through. 
  • Demand praise for something you do every day; be it wiping your own arse, doing up your coat or counting to 5 on your fingers.  You are a treasure and people should acknowledge this
  • Always stamp loudly and carry a big stick.
  • Sit upside down on a chair, it helps with the farting.